I feel dead,

I am lost in a pool of thoughts which drag me down

How can I be happy when I always want more?

When will I be satisfied?

Why do I hate that which makes myself me?

A black cloud wavers above my head not so long now and I’ll be dead

How can I breathe when these thoughts clog my throat?

It’s too hard now to stay afloat

Why won’t anyone help me?

Why can’t anyone help me?

Why must I drown in the dark alone?

Because I do not trust

I do not hold out my hand for anyone to grasp

I sink to the bottom and slowly decay

Stubbornness has always been my way

But sadly I realise that I’m not dead

Sadly my mind has been mislead

I am decaying

Yes, slowly, and painfully

But I am still alive

Is it still too late?

I fear that I will infect whoever now dives deep to save me

I am stale and decrepit

Only I hold the key, but will I use it, or loose it?

Will I be forgotten in the depths?

Or will I swim to the surface and kick free of the thoughts which tie me down?

Am I a failure?

Will I succeed?

Or will I be forever tangled in the weed?

Will I love myself for who I am?

I’m not sure but maybe I can

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003